Porterman Lost 30 Pounds
It's true. Porterman's back down to fighting weight. Or, for those of you who are lovers, not fighters, lovin' weight. How did I do it? With the new Porterman fad diet. Lose 30 pounds in 3 years or your money back.
Let's do the math. 30 pounds over 3 years = .03 pounds a day for 1100 days. Just 65 calories off my daily intake. One cup of coffee.
But to be honest, it wasn't quite as smooth as .03 pounds a day. I can go up or down several pounds in a single day. I never know quite what that scale is going to read in the morning. But slowly, that top number started inching down.
And I wish I could say it was as simple as just cutting out one cup of coffee a day. One week, I'd deprive myself of beer. Then I'd swear off sausage. Then I'd eat only sausage. There were a million variables, minus one: I didn't exercise. Thus I never really understood how I could be losing the weight. Was I afflicted by an extra-slow version of the curse in Stephen King's Thinner?
But, folks, the Porterman has finally figured out the answer to this riddle. It all boils down to three simple words. Eating. At. Home.
In my never-ending quest to live better, I wanted to save a little bit of money. Cambridge is notoriously expensive for lunch, with a sandwich and a drink costing $9. Dinner is far more expensive, with most entrees in the $18+ category.
Like a modern ascetic, I undertook a cooking campaign like no other. You think four nights a week is ambitious? Try six. And I took my lunch to work. every single day. My goal was to save a few thousand bucks. I didn't realize I was saving a few thousand calories.
So why does cooking at home shed the pounds? First, I don't have a deep fryer. Never eating French fries turns out to be pretty important. Second, portion control. My portion sizes haven't been increasing at the rate of inflation like everyone else's. It's as simple as that. And I won't even get into the other benefits, like all the salt intake you are avoiding.
Live longer, feel better, be richer. It's the Porterman 3-year 30-Pound Cook-at-Home Diet (tm)!
Let's do the math. 30 pounds over 3 years = .03 pounds a day for 1100 days. Just 65 calories off my daily intake. One cup of coffee.
But to be honest, it wasn't quite as smooth as .03 pounds a day. I can go up or down several pounds in a single day. I never know quite what that scale is going to read in the morning. But slowly, that top number started inching down.
And I wish I could say it was as simple as just cutting out one cup of coffee a day. One week, I'd deprive myself of beer. Then I'd swear off sausage. Then I'd eat only sausage. There were a million variables, minus one: I didn't exercise. Thus I never really understood how I could be losing the weight. Was I afflicted by an extra-slow version of the curse in Stephen King's Thinner?
But, folks, the Porterman has finally figured out the answer to this riddle. It all boils down to three simple words. Eating. At. Home.
In my never-ending quest to live better, I wanted to save a little bit of money. Cambridge is notoriously expensive for lunch, with a sandwich and a drink costing $9. Dinner is far more expensive, with most entrees in the $18+ category.
Like a modern ascetic, I undertook a cooking campaign like no other. You think four nights a week is ambitious? Try six. And I took my lunch to work. every single day. My goal was to save a few thousand bucks. I didn't realize I was saving a few thousand calories.
So why does cooking at home shed the pounds? First, I don't have a deep fryer. Never eating French fries turns out to be pretty important. Second, portion control. My portion sizes haven't been increasing at the rate of inflation like everyone else's. It's as simple as that. And I won't even get into the other benefits, like all the salt intake you are avoiding.
Live longer, feel better, be richer. It's the Porterman 3-year 30-Pound Cook-at-Home Diet (tm)!
posted by Porterman at 8:37 PM
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