Blithely Did I Sign That Lease
This was a rough week for the Porterman. In my quest for the perfect Cambridge two bedroom apartment, I signed a lease for a place that doesn't allow grills.
Indeed, last night, I cleaned my Charbroil Masterflame and prepared it for sale. Research indicated that I could expect a twenty dollar bill for it. How could something of such value to me be worth a mere twenty bucks? How many filets were perfected on that grill? How many portabellas turned aside under its noble meat-only policy?
Few people know that I actually got the grill from a couple in Chicago, recently laid off, who were moving onto a 28' sailing vessel bound for the Atlantic. I have no idea what happened to them -- perhaps they broke up somewhere along the St. Lawrence Seaway -- but the story gave the grill great significance for me. In my mind, it was as if the grill itself had made a heroic maritime journey and was my own exotic treasure.
I offered the couple $20 for it, which might bring this story full circle, except they would not take the money. I can only guess that they realized my purpose and ultimate fame might somehow be linked to this grill.
But that hasn't happened, and now I can only hope that the new owners of my grill will abide by the guidelines established during happier times:
1) Meat only.
2) Clean the grill rarely but with gusto.
3) When the grill finally expires, give it a burial at sea.
posted by Porterman at 5:52 PM
6 Comments:
Dude-- that sucks. I think that part of living the good life is living honorably, which in this case means that you have to find some promising young buck and give them the grill. You can't take 20 bucks. You can't make a profit on this sort of thing.
So does the good life have any room for baseball? Are you a Boston fan? I am. But I don't live in Massachusetts. But I think I might try to take a trip to catch a few games. Do you know how hard it is to get tickets? I really want to go to Fenway Park.
I would like to respond to Jeff's comment from the "comments" section of the previous post, and I do so here to illustrate a point.
Firstly, Jeff, I agree with you about the so-called blogosphere. To have quacks such as this guy ranting and raving all day long, far from what used to be a safety net of limited space and professional peer review, well, that is frightening. I admit that I had no intention to fight this vast, horrific wave one blog at a time, but that doesn't mean I don't have the inclination. My compliments to you, Jeff, for having the huevos to take such a stance.
No, my point was to express my dismay over Porterman's hypocrisy. I don't just knock it to knock it, but I had to react because this sort of thing sickens me.
In this latest post, Mr. Porterman continues his vain, egomaniacal quest for this thing, "The Good Life", which evidently is 90% composed of pleasurable material possessions designed to make him more comfortable.
That would be fine if he didn’t turn around and clumsily bash the United States for simply developing weapons designed to maintain his quality of life. So, Mr. Porterman (if that really is your name), I’m sorry that you had to lose your favorite grill just because you are looking for “the perfect apartment”. I’m sorry that you don’t like the way the United States goes about maintaining the standard of living of which you so clearly aspire to take advantage. I’m sorry that the cleaning person that is affordable doesn’t seem to place your stupid trash can where you like it, but you know what? That’s what you get.
Your claim that you’re still searching for the good life is an insult to billions of people, literally, billions worldwide. Most cannot afford computers, so I’ll go ahead and be appalled for them, in this case. Your graceless, electronic “protest” of the development of weapons designed to facilitate that search manages to offend those who cherish our freedom, which is nearly everyone else, and thus I am offended twice over.
So yeah Jeff, if the rest of the blogosphere is like this then maybe you are on to something.
Hang in there, Porterman. Some people would jusr rather deny a good man any kind of joy so long as there is the smallest nit to pick about the whole thing.
But we're behind you (and by "we", I mean me, Ryno, my trusty spaniel, and Chalcedony, the fish I've had for three days). Life is good, but it good be gooder, eh?
I have to agree with tacomouth, give the grill to a tradition-respecting caretaker who understands that the good life is more about the stories than the $20.
For continuity, consider collecting some of the char in a ziploc bag. When grilling becomes part of the good life again, christen your new shiny grill with that ever so flavorful char.
(PS Welcome to The Good Life staci!)
are you dead or what?
Yeah, where'd you go, Porterman? I come to "The Good Life" every day, looking for inspiration. I need some good Porterman insight so I can track down the good life myself! What gives?
If this is the end, I just want to say thanks for all that you've written. I don't care what Staci says-you're a good man, Porterman!
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